Fires

What my heart wants I dont know,
And well, it neither is ready to show.

I try to tame it like a circus lion,
But by then in it has started a deep fire,
That even gallons of water cant estinguish.
But being able to douse this fire I can only wish.
Because all I am able to sprinkle is just a few droplets,
Hoping this would be enough to make the fire rest.

Searching for its source keeps me so engaged,
That I cant see the fire further enrage.

And then as usual, there is an explosion,
And like everytime, of me I lose a portion.

Till when would this keep going on I wonder,
Would there one day be a lightening or a thunder?
That would make it pour so heavily,
dousing all the fires, and filling again the portions I lost of me...